Who Are The Abusers? — They Aren’t Easy To Spot | Patti Austin Official Website

Who Are The Abusers? — They Aren’t Easy To Spot

By on Thursday, May 28th, 2009 in Blog

There are no flashing signs saying, “Stay away from this person”. There is no ‘typical’ abuser. In public, they may appear friendly and loving to their partner and family. At close quarters, this is the time when they abuse their partners and children. They also try to hide the abuse by causing injuries that can be hidden and do not need a doctor. They can also make you wear clothing that will cover the bruises.

Abuse is not an accident. It is a conscious decision of the person to hurt his or her partner. It does not happen because someone was stressed-out due to work, pushed to his limits, drinking alcohol, or using recreational drugs. Abuse is an intentional act that one person uses in a relationship to control the other. Abusers have learned to abuse so that they can get what they want, no matter what the cost is. The abuse may be physical, sexual, emotional, and psychological. Nevertheless, the abuse is damaging to your mind and body’s health.

Abusers often have low self-esteem. They feel better about themselves when they are able to control someone. It gives them a false sense of power and might. They do not take responsibility for their actions. They are very immature. They may even blame the victim for causing the violence. In most cases, men abuse female victims. It is important to remember that women can also be abusers and men can be victims.

Abusers have different backgrounds, different experiences that made them who they are. Abusers are similar in only one aspect, that is, their choice of controlling their “loved one” in whatever means. There are many tactics used by abusers. He can be manipulative in the sense that he distorts his controlling behavior and pass it off as concern. He may reason that he is controlling because you are not a good decision maker. He controls all of the finances so you cannot move freely as you please.

The abuser may have unrealistic expectations from his wife or children. He may expect them to perform in a certain manner and if they do not, it is deemed acceptable for him to punish them severely. The abuser may also be an excessively jealous person. He gets jealous of everyone, even her own family. He demands all of her time and demands her to break all ties. He accuses her family and friends of being a menace to their relationship.

The abuser blames everyone but himself. He blames his victim for his own faults. His victim is made to be a convenient scapegoat for all of his inadequacies. He believes himself to be superior and expects his partner to be submissive, more so in bed. He can force sexual activity and may assault you physically until his desire is satisfied. He shows little concern for the victim. He can force sexual intercourse with his victim even if she is sick or tired. Some abusers even force their partners to have sex even after they have just given birth.

They hurt and degrade you by using foul language. They belittle you in front of your friends, family and children. He may think that you are stupid, that the sole purpose of women is to serve their husbands. He may expect you to serve three meals a day and to clean his house and satisfy him at night, nothing more. He may threaten to take your kids away from you or threaten to hit you with a baseball bat to get what he wants.

These are just some of the tactics done by abusers. If you are being abused, put an end to it. You do not deserve the abuse. NO ONE DOES.