Domestic Violence Against Men: Men Are Victims Too | Patti Austin Official Website

Domestic Violence Against Men: Men Are Victims Too

By on Thursday, April 16th, 2009 in Blog

You may know that there are many women out there living in violent relationships. Many of them choose to stay for reasons that only make sense to them. What you may not know is that there are some men who stay in the very same types of relationships. You may think a man would be strong enough to get away and not worried about what a woman would do to them, but you would be wrong. These men live under the same fear as women in the same situation, and they may also think that they have no alternative but to stay where they are. Domestic violence against men is not as common in the media, but it happens all of the time.

Not all men are as secure about who they are, they have so many insecurities that fall them victim to domestic violence against men. Oftentimes they think they are madly in love with their partner that they cannot bear to leave. Or even worse is that the woman has convinced a man that no one else would ever want him. This is not the strong and dependable man women always think talking about their men in their lives, right? Especially when we think of them as someone we can rely on to care for us when we cannot take care of ourselves… someone we can count on when the going gets tough. But this does happen, really.

Come to think of this one… how many times have you seen a man on TV complaining about him being a victim of domestic violence? One, two, perhaps none at all. There are many reasons why we haven’t seen or heard about them, here’s some. Men feel deeply ashamed if anyone knew his wife was abusive towards him. Men are also ashamed for others to know that their woman have so much power over them. Or simply, because they don’t want anyone to know. They are ashamed to talk about it, even when they manage to get away.

Domestically abused husbands, just like domestically abused wives, should ask for help and let themselves be heard. Domestic violence is a vicious cycle, and victims of this cycle couldn’t be saved, unless the victims themselves take necessary actions to stop it. There are many great resources, organizations and people willing to help victims of domestic violence. The victim must take the first action step… seek help that is.

maurice feldman
maurice feldman

Dear Ms. Austin, I am a male victim of domestic violence awaiting final hearing next week. Growing up, I was not the victim of abuse. She was. She wanted to get out of that environment, still living with her parents, even though she is 37 years old. I was the male. I had some money. I wanted to help her get out from under her past. I was an enabler. I took responsibility for paying for her lawyers, medical bills, etc. The public defender, during the preliminary hearing, questioned hard around the fact that I didn't defend myself during the assault. No one wants to know that there had been a previous incident which was not reported. There were injuries. But they were minor. She didn't come after me with a baseball bat or the front end of my car. She bit my ear. Hard and long. To me, that's more "up close and personal" than being four feet away with a baseball bat. I question the legal definition of "aggravated" assault. I simply can't let her get away with it. Both preliminary and common pleas court hearings have been delayed several times. None of the delays were initiated by me. I understand why men drop charges. There are also charges of forgery and theft of checks. I just can't let her get away with it no matter what. Pennsylvania seems to have good help and support for male victims of domestic violence as I read and compare my experience with the accounts of others. I hope I still say that after next week. Thank you for bringing public attention to this issue.